Its ok.

so grandma had a minor stroke... =/ we were planning to visit her but my parents were late for work and they left us behind and went to visit her alone. i got up early and everything. me and mindy were ready. its not our fault we didnt get to go. its not like we dont care. its hard for me to realize how weak she is now and that shes not always going to be here and that we take her for granted too much. shes taken care of all of us ever since we were little. you think i dont care? thats not fair.

Its just emotions taking me over.

i just dont get it. first im being ignored and then that ends for a short time. and now its happening again?

junior. im just a little disapointed =/ please dont make these mistakes >.< ahh he just needs think about it. despite his past- his present and future are what matter. please dont let him mess this up. theres restraint and willpower. hes strong. i know it.

I'd be lying if i told you losing you was something i could handle.

"when you assume you make and ASS out of U and ME" well guess what? hee. honk. i think... ive been selfish >.< i suppose i did blow things out of proportion. but thats just how it is for me. i have to be pessimistic. optimism is soo overrated. who wants to get their hopes up just to get it shot down? aim low and avoid disappointment right? but for some reason it hasnt been working too well. so what is that suppose to mean?

Its like chasing the very last train.

so last night i was on the phone a lot... hope my parents dont look on the phone bill xD first i talked to maria. haha her dorkiness DOES make me feel better. all the time. LOVE her. talked about random stuff like how me and my cousins turned on spiderman3, muted it, and put on the captions so we could dub our voices into it xD FUUUN. but hella embarrassing if it wasnt just me and my cousins LOL and then yea talked about stuff. i know its just high school. but it just tears me up. sigh. then i went to eat ice cream. i got fudge brownie ice cream. and when i was struggling to open i realized it said FROZEN YOGURT all around the top and was like OH MY SNAPS. i got so excited. then i popped that sucker open. BIGGEST DISAPPOINTMENT OF MY LIFE. it was chocolate ice cream with brownie bits :'[ turns out it tasted NOTHING like frozen yogurt AND i LOATHE chocolate ice cream... nasty >.< tsk. the lies. then andrew called and i ditched the ice cream cause it was nasty anyway. we talked for a while about stuff *cough* LANVI *cough* yea THAT was fun. i have blackmail now LOL. i got you buddy... got you wrapped around my little finger >:] haha just keeding. unless you know you do something to make me feel a little devious? :P then i got kinda tired so i hung up on him. then i remembered i promised to call kathydao back. so i called her and she played a song for me. it was pretty ^_______^ then we woke ken up so we could 3way haha. he was sleeping and the whole time he was just like can i go back to sleep now? why did you call me?! and WHY DID I CALL YOU BACK?! xD its cause he loves us ;D then i ditched them at like 1:30? cause i was super tired haha AND my mom was awake... o.o i kept thinking i heard her open the door or something. SCARY~~
so i slept on it. i dont know how i did. but i did. i woke up this morning and realized that im following in communism's footsteps. all the signs are showing, and im just confused now. i dont know what to do. this is something i dont wnat to happen. i dont want to follow that path. but it looks like thats where its heading. sure theyre different. but why does it look like this has happened before? im not saying i feel any different about him. hes still on my mind 24/7. hes the first thing that comes to mind when i wake up and the sun is shining through my windows and hes the last thing i think of before i drift off into dreamland. but it all feels sooo unrequited right now and... it just hurts.

You can't play on broken strings.

i watched stardust. cute. it made me cry. not because it was cute. but because he was sooo sure of his feelings for her that it made me go awww ^.^ then the movie ended, and it said: and they lived happily ever after. i smiled. and went aww again. then i realized, its just a fairytale. none of it is real. in real life, no one is ever sure of what they want. people are sooo indecisive. easily swayed. easily confused. happy with what they have one moment, and the next moment? unsatisfied. its just not enough for me to be wanted whenever its convenient. im not a toy. i cant be replaced if i happen to break.

Tell me what they know about my love.

badabahbahbahhhh. so my plans are ruined. =/ i was suppose to go to the beach with wise one today but my mom was being all anal. shes like no hes probably gonna take his friends too. and im like uhh no mom. its a family thing. just us cousins<3. cause thats how it always is. but she wouldnt listen. whatever. i was too tired to argue anyway. she doesnt get our bond LOL. dude i love my couins<3 theyre alwaysalwaysalways there for me. and like we always have the best times. and its like we all belong in different groups at school but at home, with the family, we're just family. and i know that as much as we mess around, theyll always be there for me. :'] fudgers. im all emotional haha good thing no one us up right now. but omgoodness theres this car outside and its soo annoying. its been beeping every like 2 minutes -.- RAWR i just want to throw something at it ^.^ lovely. i like kathy's myspace song. teehee.
so last night i was oober bored. my mom made me get off the computer. rawr. i have a curfew for aim?! mother effer. 9 o'clock. miss me my loves :'[ so i went to bed and called a whole mess of people xD but the only person who picked up was andrew :'[ and someone *coughcough* has to tell me EVERYTHING about EVERYTHING cause a promise is a promise LOL i made andrew promise to tell me about everything if i guessed her name. suckahhh. i didnt cheat. i'm just psychic. i only knew her name cause he was thinking about her too much that her essence and her name just came to me. LOL right right. ;D his reaction to when i said her name was priceless LOL wish i coulda seen it. then i got bored cause he was being ridiculously stubborn and wouldnt keep his promise. rawr. so i hung up on him and got something to eat haha.
*sigh* i just remembered kevin is in new mexico talking to the dean :'[ hes going to college soon omgoodness. this makes me sooo sad. fudgers. only 2 1/4 years of high school left >.< and all those dorky seniors and juniors are gonna leave soon =/ gah that makes me sad. its ok. we'll just make the best of the little time we have left and just make it last :]
:O i was suppose to go to church at 8. why do my parents keep doing this? -_-" its really annoying. i wish i could drive. i should sign up for drivers ed classes. LOL imagine me... driving xD i probably cant even reach the peddles :P *swings feet back and forth* omgoodness so Friday night my mom kept coming out and was like go to sleep. and then she came out and looked at me seriously and was like kelly im serious. you have 3 more years. i was like O.O uh oh. what is she gonna lecture me about now? and then she continues... you need to drink milk. how else are you going to grow? you only have so many years left until you stop growing... LOL my face went from o.o to xD no duh. i knew that. its not like i can really help it. who says milk makes you grow anyway D: statistics? pshh whateverrrr. ive BEEN drinking milk since i realized i wasnt growing. it doesnt help =/ this is the longest most boring blog ever....
plans for today?
-go to church
-talk to that indian guy about my computer problems xD
-download antivirus
-update my ipod ^.^
-watch australia
-keep kevin "w/ the eye" company during his stay in new mexico
-not do hw :P
-and do something spontaneous? LOL great. its not spontaneous anymore now that ive planned to do it xD oh wells. we shall see. we shall see

i have a secret: im a little bit of a jealous person. just a little. /)_(\

Do you ever dream of candy coated raindrops?

break. 9 days. finally. so omgoodness i had the biggest scare today o.o i was with danny and kathy called to tell me mindy was on the phone with my dad. he told her he was at school and he asked where i was. and mindy told him i was in romanos. i was like wtf? hes checking up on me?! *hurt* i cant be trusted? D: ok i know that. i lie to my parents way too much >.< i know its bad. =/ most of the time its for their own good. there are some things they don need to know. like how i get a ride home. yea that worries them -_- they just worry way too much and they dont need the extra stress. but i guess i dont help. rawr. im a bad daughter >.< so i ran as fast as my little legs would go xD but im pretty slow. omgoodness i made a sharp turn an almost fell. LOLOL good thing no one was there to seee xD but wheni got to romano's it was locked iwas like @#!% and then i went to the senior parking lot. and i found mindy and kathy. i was like please let this be a late april fools joke >.< mindy seemed pissed xD lol okokok i promise ill stop. I GUESS she does enough for me. she a real bword about it though. and its not like she does A LOT. she only puts up with my friends and danny but hello????? she loves my friends :P uhhh idk about danny LOL but yea. so turns out it was a false alarm. my parents werent checking up on me. my mom was sick D: and my dad drove her home from work and thought hed pick us up on the way. PHEWWWWWW. i wonder if they passed by the front office though. because. uh oh. >.< omgoodness i hate the mystery. fudgers. i dont think they saw anything? so scary >.< idk ughh. and i totally ditched danny. :O shame on me =/ but my LIFE was on the line. and this is not me being a drama queen either. omgoodness. ive been called a drama queen a lot this week :O i guess that means im a drama queen -__-" oh and apparently im crazy too :P rawr. so kathy. goodness that little cougar LMAO im glad shes happy. like genuinely happy too. it made me wanna cry xD ive never been so happy that i cried. but i came kinda close today. shes been through so much bs from that dumbass. she deserves better. im glad shes finally letting go because he doesnt deserve her time. ok so i took a nap from like 6-10 but im still sleepy duh. i need to catch up on sleep. gonna go dream. night world.