Strong enough to stop this world from spinning.

so last night i pulled an all nighter with kathynguyen. i was sooo tired. and like i finished at 6:30 wtf. but like i bsed most of it. so i have to fix it all. >.< omgoodness. i fell asleep once. but it was a NAP ok? taking a nap and sleeping are sooo different. naps are like short and your about to fall into a deep sleep. sleeping is sleeping long enough for you to have a complete dream, the end. -____-" i cant believe the table agreed with kevin and not me D: but it was funny cause he tapped this random guy and was like "hey are napping and sleeping-" and the guy looked at him like he was crazy and walked away xD LOL and they say IM embarrassing?? pshh. ok i admit it. i am. but at least when i ask random people questions they dont look at me like im crazy. not to my face anyway :P and i took a nap in spanish. :O it was kinda by accident. after the benchmark i looked at the clock. it was like 12:00. i put my head on my desk and closed my eyes. then i heard kikawa whispering. and class was over. then i was kinda freaking out cause like i coulda been snoring. omgoodness that woulda been embarrassing xD thats right. i snore LOL lovely isnt it? and then afterschool. omgoodness mindy was being so annoying >.< rawr. i suppose i need to be more aggressive? whatever. and danny stayed back for like almost an HOUR. not. my. fault. :P but i feel sooo bad for his mom xD she must hate me >.< okokok i promise i wont make him stay long anymore. well i mean it wasnt my fault per se. but i have to admit i dont exactly want him to go :P cause i dont get to see him that often and hes been sleeping a lot so i havent been able to talk to him much. i was telling jessica how hard it was to figure this all out. she completely understood :'] cause like seriously its soo hard to tell whats going on. honestly i have no idea where we stand right now. so anyway i went home and when kathy was driving away. mindy realized kathy still had my phone -.- then i wanted to take a nap, but my phone is usually my alarm but since it was all mindys fault she was suppose to wake me up at 530. dude. she woke me up at 8 -___- now im doing hw. sorta. lol im tired. omg i shouldnt be procrastinating >.< what a boring day. 3 more days. >.< almost there. no worries. we got this. :]

Things'll get better if you just hold my hand.

so today was just whatevers. except for jeffie's bday! i was tired cause of the essay last night. and like yeaa. ive been thinking and i dont want to be like a communist. it was a long day. especially since maria is kinda bringing me down with her xD 4 more days. we'll get through this! haha. then afterschool. i finally got to see danny and kinda talk to him. first hug in like 9 days >.< i didnt even realize it. i knew i was missing something. but omg for some reason im all mixed up. either its the lack of sleep or im like pmsing -_____- making me all "ridiculous" then went and got some boba. then went home and tried to start on hw. but friggin jessica was distracting >:O yea i still dont approve ok? wise one. no. disgust. and now the rumor is spreading :O then i went to confirmation class. felt sooo sick. >.< my head hurt. i was like blahh. my cheekies were all pink -_- and like i kinda wanted to throw up. maria was very caring <3 and told me is should stay home tomorrow but i have to go to school. its benchmark week. and idk when the chem one is. i need that extra credit. i cant believe i have a B in chem -_- okokok essay time.


so i have a secret: sometimes i want to hold on just a little longer /)_(\

I dont want to go to bed mad at you.

last night me and kathy planned jeff's bday. ohmysnaps i jsut realized i forgot to make his fake cake >.< darn it. ill make it later. but itll be rushed and ugly D: cookie cake yup yup and BALLOONS :] fun. i hope hes surprised xD im soooo excited lol so then i woke up at 8 this morning. organized my notebooks and stuff until i heard my parents leave, then got out of bed and cleaned up everything, and i mean EVERYTHING. mindy was no help whatsoever -____- listened to music and went on aim so it wasnt THAT bad. then maria came over. and we watched changeling. xD haha she got distracted so we didnt finish. its all good though cause all i have to do is cut and paste. itll be UGLYYYYY but who cares? xD and then i ran downstairs after maria left cause scott came to take us to church. but the only seat left was the front seat. and the door wouldnt open, and we were running late. so scott rolled down the window and told me to climb in LOL. he was just kidding but i did it anyway LOLOLOL surprisingly it wasnt that hard xD the trouble woulda been climbing out in front of the people at church xD but good thing he got it to open lol. mass was interesting. sitting next to viet was fun haha. even though hes got muscles he couldnt open the little bag for the pin. pshh i opened it like NOTHING. strong my butt. and powerpuff girl? pleaseeeeee only in his dreams :P so after church went home and showered. then i get a call from kathy dao. omgoooodness. my cousin. thats hella nasty. my COUSIN. thats just weird. weird weird weird. >.< me and kathy were pretty freaked out. WEIRD. i know him and he would not go for her. thats just WEIRD. and i sensed that she never really liked me :P you know what? i dont care :p i do not approve ok? get away from my cousin. seriously. she needs to back off. two guys at once? theres word for that. umm it starts with an "S" ssssssssupermodel? :P not. and then the whole thing with the communist?! duh. its soooo obvious. like reeeee to the biz-wound. sooo weird. so me and kathy were all snooping around then i got bored. and i started looking at some stuff. and i found out something that just hit me. idk. it hurt. >.< and i got kinda upset. okokok really upset. and BITTER. >.< thats never good. i never realized i knew so many insightful people. *cough* long *cough* what?! weird... and derek? LOL sooo funny. so repetitive. and like such baaaaaaaad grammar. its sooo hard for me to understand anything hes saying xD but i got the message. cause seriously. he kept repeating it. but omg. i opened up to him and shzzle and he forgot my name? the eff. loser. i didnt forget his name. hes a friggin old mannnn going senial. and wtf? i kinda look like a fish? jerk. jerk. jerk. i look like an ANGELfish ;D wait thats pretty right? xD haha. but like even though he told me that what he was going to say might hurt me. like it did a little. then i realized something else. and dude i felt so much better. and i love that vivian is my cousin. shes not afraid to keep the blunt truth from me while everyone else was like lying to make me feel better >.< shame on them. but i still love em <3 and i was telling kathy how if my life had a soundtrack, then right now mad by neyo would be playing in the background. then all of a sudden mindy started singing it. i was like whoaaaaaaaa. really. i cant stay mad/upset for long. cause then i start to miss him again >.<

You got a piece of me and honestly my life would suck without you.

so i woke up and begged mindy for the computer. that butthead wouldnt give me the computer until a virus popped up. -______-" so she gave it to me to fix :P but i couldnt fix it rawr and now i have to call the antivirus people and do all this shizzle. >.< im scared of talking to strangers on the phone. >.< its scary D: then went to the mall. south coast plaza to be exact. like i can afford anything there -_-" so me and vivian went around looking for dresses but then we gave up and started trying on clothes xD fuuuuuun. ran around putting together an outfit xD haha. and then kathy and mindy met up with us and then we went to westminster mall. continued to look for dresses but no luck >.< went back to tracy's house and played with vincent. omgahh hes too cute xD he cant pronounce my name lol he calls me "chi keddy" haha that cutie. but rawr i didnt get to say a proper goodbye to danny cause my mom kept coming in. *sigh* so she stayed for a while and then later we decided that i was going to wear tracy's confirmation dress. ehh whatevers. i guess. i kinda wanted my own dress but we're on a budget >.< and im going to stick to that cause imma do whatever it takes to avoid operation: back to the east coast /)_(\ if it happens idk what id do D: its ok though. i think we can get through this with God's help of course. i know Hes got us. :] so i just finished drawing a map to my apartment for maria. shes coming over tomorrow to work on our saint project. and then im gonna make her help me with jeffery's fake cake xD im soo excited for his bday teeeeeheee.

When we're apart whatever are you thinking of?

soooo. the end of a blahh week. =/ rawr. carebear was sick for a week. making me miss him. *sigh* and maria was sick too! but at least she came to school. but she shouldnt have cause she was soooo out of it D: made me sad. >.< chem test was hard. D: and now mirsch knows about me and carebear. its kind of weird o.o so my parents' car broke down and so i couldnt watch kevin play -____________-" but at least i got to watch jv play. that was fun xD warning everyone about how ketchup was cancerous xD but no one would listen -______-" and then i gave up and ate a hotdog with ketchup too. LOL such a hypocrite. paul owes me a muffin! and i just realized he and tommy dont use gel to get their hair to stick up o.o they use HAIRSPRAY!!!!!!!!! i bet. LOLOLOL thats sooo not masculine xD or they could be telling the truth. God blows wind into their hair and makes it stand up? xD lol saltwater room. xD such a pretty song. haha derek made me remember it. so i finally aimed him up. i forgot how fun it was to talk to him. the table should go to this call to serve thing he told me about. sounds fun. and im excited. derek is going to our confirmation cause he promised me he would! and then hes gonna sing saltwater room and i have to fill inthe blanks LOL gonna be sooo embarrassing xD so anyways gonna go shopping for my dress this weekend. hopefully >.< i need one thats really pretty because i dont like to wear dresses and the rare times that i do better be worth it! but it also need to fit my budget rawr. wish me luck >.<

Remember when we danced till the sun came up?

so i went home early. feel like shiiiiiz but im still blogging. last night was like one of the worst nights ever. i kept waking up (did i even sleep?)until i finally slept for reals at like 2-3? i dont even know. raaaawr. then i woke up sooo late today >.< 7:40 :O ran to class. i was late. my hair was a mess. embarrassing... >.< but on the bright side, this weekend wasnt soooo bad?. went to chuck e cheese. played some basketball. my high score? FORTY-FOUR! hells yea... but my average was like 30 xD sooo yeaa. even the little kiddies beat me xD i suuuuck. but at least i got 44 like once xD. thats right. be proud of me.:'] then we went to eat at Luc Dinh ky. nasty :P i like the other place better. so after we went home, i was debating whether or not to call carebear or not cause i missed him >.< and mindy stole my phone from me! >:O so i stole hers LOL. then i was like forget it. and i gave it back to her. and i went to sleep. but i couldnt sleep. so when she wasnt looking, i took my phone back and called him and she caught me. LOL xD. and she was being very obnoxious about it too. pshh. yelling at me in the background and stuff. i dont even know what she was saying. i heard something like "im very disappointed in you" and then really loud "FINE. IGNORE ME." xD but that was it. then my parents came home, and she was like mwahah and then she started fake coughing really LOUD. and right when my dad came in, she was all HI DADDY all sweet and stuff -_____- so devious. is that the word? lol idk. but i hung up on carebear xD and had to call him back after i finished talking to my dad about Disneyland, which, we've decided that we're not going to go because its too expensive and we'd rather do something else besides watch the little kiddies and walk around for hours. waste of money. so yea anyways. i told danny about my secret. >.< i guess he took it well? idk. its not gonna become anything big. i dont think its a big deal. but isnt it always like that? then we started talking about how apparently the idea of me in a dress is so laughable. pshh. hes all "giddy". SUUUURE. and "chortling" at me and MOCKING me like Santa Claus and calling me a ho ho ho. tsk tsk tsk. this all leads back to "bros before what?!" SHAME. haha. but i was just teasing :P maybe haha. i really like talking to him even though it means i lose sleep xD. but rawr. im always waiting by the phone, wondering if he misses me like i miss him. >.< this is getting corny. my sister finds it annoying. LOL. but whatever. okays okays, i need to nap. then call my sister to tell her to walk home. then do hw. then go to confirmation class. phew. only one more month of classes >.< im excited... ;D

show me a sign, give me a reason to believe in your smile...

happy bday kevin with the eye. lol i called him at like 3am cause i was still awake. but he didnt pick up so i just went to sleep LOL loser. its his bday he shoulda been up all night :P so anyways, tomorrow is the start of a new week. thank goodness. last week was so... yea. im glad its over. but there were those good times like watching the guys play tennis. ahha me and kathy just get so pumped up xD and i stole kevins winning ball. now all i have to do is get it signed ;D."kevin i'm your biggest fan!" ^^ LOL cant wait to watch their next game. but it sucks that most of the jv games are away =/ how are we suppose to cheer them on?! at least varsity plays home next week. screw what kevin says. we do not make them nervous PSHHHHH. when we disregarded his comment and ran to watch his game he OWNED. :P we motivate. duhh. and me? im just plain INSPIRATIONAL. LOLOLL jk. but im like the unoffiical stats girl :P for the table guys anyways. not really. i jsut keep the score out loud cause i cant stand not knowing who is winning. ahh the games are so intense xD seriously, tennis was the highlight of my week. :'] but even that couldnt take me away from all the drama. -_- lets get back to the good times :] i feel bad for lying to jessica. but i told her the truth. now i just have to update her on everything. no worries. will do tomorrow during pe. PINKY PROMISE nm/ (<< doesnt taht look like a pinky promise? xD) so its late. i think im sleepy? idk i woke up really late today. i looked at the clock. it looked like it said 1. so i went back to sleep. or i tried to but then i was like its been 1 oclock for a while now. so i stared at the clock. and then the 1 turned into a 3. -_________- i was like oh my snaps are you serious?! these family gatherings got me all wiped out. sleeping at 3 tsk tsk. so wise one came over and gave me some songs xD im currently obsessed with this song its so sad >.< "show me a sign, give me a reason to believe in your smile" *tears* especially... "this is your chance our song is playing, you should want us to dance... remember when we danced till the sun came up. im not a game. you cant replace me if i happen to break. so dont make promises and not follow through. cause i dont do that to you." i think peter cried listening to this song? aww =/ okays i think this song is putting me to sleep. but its so pretty. i cant stop listenign to it xD. he also gave me titanic beats. i was like :O cause ive been looking for that song for like everrrrrr. ever since my georgia days lol. thats like 2 years ago. -____- okays now this song is putting me to sleep. its so hard to love a gangstah? pleasee. thank you instrumental. lol so im watching this youtube video and its making me think. i cant believe it but im still falling. and it takes that song to make me realize that?! wtf. hes not even a gangster -_____- or is he?!justkeeding its not the song but the quotes im reading thats making me think though. i know last week was just blech. and what happened was just >.< not good. i hope we dont have to deal with anything like this again but id rather go through bad times with him then good times with someone else. but this is so ridiculous. idk if i can say the same for him though? cause i get this bad feeling. >.< idk why. in my gut. or maybe its just my cousins' words pounding at me telling me to be more careful this time. cause somehow i completely let my guard down >.< i guess being a pessimist runs in the family -___-" know what? im getting tired. time to finish english and study :P peace.

theres something i gotta say to you...

this week is so blahhh. ive got too much hw (but im still blogging ;D) lets seeeeeee, carebear needs to tell me why he is so confused. too many promises were broken this week. i just dont get it >.< its upsetting =/ ive been kind of bummed all day too. way to start out my day with an F on a history test -__-" thanks crosby. im getting a progress report, hope phillip hides it for me so my parents dont get it. >.< mart saw me talking to carebear today. uh oh. and then he and peter came over afterschool and they kept asking me questions about who my boyfriend was and i honestly told them i didnt have one -___- duh. then they got more specific and stuff. it was awkward -__-" mart is such a gossip girl. LOL. so anyways, i had 4 days worth of math hw to do, and im almost done. just taking a little break right now. baaaaaad idea. >.< haha and then im hoping to talk to carebear soon to find out whats really going on. hes been putting it off. seriously if he breaks this promise >:O im telling maria. LOLOLOL. but seriously. uhhh maybe ill take a nap first. xD idkkk. im tired. hmm plans for tomorrow? school and then watch kevin's game. woot im his biggest fan. haha. i promised to be at his first home game and thats a promise i intend to keep. omg i need my rest. back to hw. peace out.

waterfalls...

so yea i knew something was wrong. was in denial for a while, then i just started crying. kevin with the eye was there to try to help me laugh it off. but its not working. i called maria. she was sleeping. dont want to be selfish. but i dont want to go through this alone but i guess i have to. hes confused... idk what happened to make him feel that way =/ but kathydao was right? nooooo. i hope shes wrong. damn it. he asked me if ive ever had my heart broken. i said no. but this just might do the trick.

ive got the keys inside this kingdom...

so this weekend wasnt so bad. friday was ehh. some things happened, some people cried, i was left feeling blahh. then on saturday i went to the retreat. got in the same group as jessica. WOOT go derek ;D haha hes like the coolest leader with a.d.d.everrrrrrr haha. his stupid jokes, and stories about how he left elizabeth dancing alone to eat fish xD so messed up. and his random singing. i felt special cause i was the only one who knew most of the songs he sang. and friggin duy, not our duy, but the junior leader duy, hes kind of cranky. LOL i guess someone had to be since derek was so immature xD haha understanding what???? understanding JESUS! peace. love. understanding <3. soooo lame xD but whatevers. it wasnt that bad. lots of lectures. and then mass. what really bugs me is people who think theyre too cool to participate. uhh hello? then what are they doing there? i mean really. we're there to get closer to God and find ourselves. how is anyone going to do that if they dont let loose a little??? yeesh. and ppl couldnt at least lip sync to the songs?! yeesh -____- but other than that it was TIIIIIGHT xD lol. then afterwards went to doreenas house, ate, and took group pictures with the cousins on doreenas laptop. xD so fuuuuuuun. i want those pictures! and that video LOL. went to sleep at 3. :O shame on my parents. woke up at 8 and went to day two of retreat. today was funner. derek made me a flower out of a dollar. ITS SOOO PRETTY!!! i wnat to learn how to make that xD. and then we did our skit and stuff. me and jessica got in our first physical fight. >.< she pushed me really hard LOL i was so surprised. but it was all a part of the skit... OR WAS IT?! haha. today was fun. i cried. got very emotional TT__TT and derek was all making fun of me telling me how its a good thing i dont wear makeup cuase itd be all running down my face, then he started singing cry me a river -________- what a jerk. but im gonna miss him!!! omg. he better come to our confirmation! but the retreat was really good. opened my eyes and made me remember what Jesus did for me. now im all listening to the christian rap that i sent andrew and hes all wow youre eyes have really been . i was like nahh. but i guess so. i just gotta keep it that way. and remember not to let the materialism and drama in my life take over. i got this. ;D

cause we're so fly high-igh-igh-igh-igh-igh...