Like a shoebox of photographs with sepiatone loving.

ewwieeee. im sick D: my throat hurts and it is NOT. FUN. D: so last night i fell asleep on the phone with danny AGAIN /)_< and it was really bad timing and he apparently he tried to wake me up by calling me names but my headphones fell out so i didnt hear anything and idk what jerknames he called me >:O and i ended up hanging up on him by accident xD and i was suppose to wake up early this morning but that didnt happen. and then i was suppose to do my hw but that didnt exactly work out either cause instead of reading my chem book i started reading mindys TO CATCH A PIRATE book xD almost done... then i went to church with peter. we were late D: and father kennedy was doing the mass so it was superrrrrrr boring. and i was like falling asleep >.< bady kelly =/ and then i realized i was sitting next to that guy who goes all naruto status in badminton and freaking hits me with the birdies -_- i was like hell to the no! i aint holding your hand! >:O then after church peter and mart ganged up on me and i dropped my phone /)_< rawr... so we were suppose to go to some dinner with my parents today for some family thing but i guess they decided not to? no clue.. but yeaa more time to procrastinate on hw yea? but im just not feeling well D: kinda wanna upchuck everything >.< nastaaaayy. and i have to do my portia lines tomorrow :'[ im scared. and i have math test on wednesday. ahhh. so much to worry about =/

And after all, you're my wonderwall.

hmm today i watched slumdog millionaire and bedtime stories. :] enjoyed both. then practiced my portia lines. i think i kinda got them down. now to speak loudly and enunciate D: then later went to dennys where again, i ate like a monster. i was so full afterwards xD but while we were waiting for our food me and mindy overheard the people behind us talking about dungeons and dwarfs xD and we started laughing... we so mean LOL but they were like "the dwarf killed me on level _" and "ohh i summoned the dark knight" or something like that xD IVE NEVER HEARD THAT BEFORE IN REAL LIFE. it was funny xD then got home, showered, and watched snl. justin timberlake is funny xD but now my momma's making me go to bed :'[ nights world

Time together is just never quite enough.

hmm today was whatevers. a bit long and boring. and its not very easy for me cause i feel like a bad person and now i dont know what to do. let the awkward turtle wreak havoc cause i got nothing x_x imma become like the plague and end up being resented. i just know it. i keep dwelling on what a horrible person i must be o.o what. the. fruit. DDD:

so my mom called me to ask me what we wanted to eat. and i cant decide so she doesnt respond and says goodbye -_- does that mean we're not eating? O_o gahh im soo confused. and im hungry. i just realized that we havent had a home-cooked meal in the longest time =/ how saad. i should learn to cook... >.< im a failure as a daughter. my parents come home from work really late everyday and i cant even cook dinner for them sometimes? yikes.

today i wanted to hide. maybe just take the long way. /)_(\ but i couldnt take the initiative. (<< hehe i like that word now)

Lets go to a place far away.

push came to shove and im still not budging. i really cant make everybody happy. even though i do try. and i pinky promise that im not mad at kathydao. lovelovelove her.

so from now on im gonna remember to take the initiative so that what happened this time will never happen again :P dude. im so excited that jeff thought of such a cute way to ask maria to banquet xD cuuute ^_^ but who needs banquet anyway?! me and jessica are gonna have our own private banquet where we're gonna eat frozen food and watch the little mermaid :P so HA. :]

after school i took a nice nap :] and got a very nice wake-up call but im still tired and i have 2 more math assignments to do >.< rawr. i need more time.

Do you know you're my miracle?

i soo did not want to wake up this morning >.< and crosby wont let me do drug trafficking in cuba. shes MAKING me do venezuela /)_< even though its something im not very "passionate" about. fine... whatever she wants. i better get a good grade >:O and then i told jessica something i wasnt suppose to tell her. and I THINK KATHYS MAD AT ME /)_(\ i did it for her own good >.< i sorry... D: but we had a mjkk meeting today. worked most things out. i didnt finish my story soo i guess we'll have another meeting? haha we're so formal xD fun. good times. lets get back to them yea? ^_^ cause i sure missed it. see???? we wouldnt have had that meeting if i hadnt told jessica right?! RIGHT. so yea ;D but im still sorry =/ so anywaysss my parents picked me up afterschool and i asked them to take me to barnes and nobles and my mom had a tantrum -_- and my dad was having fun making fun of her for having a tantrum. but mostly i was like wow what a baby >.< and then she complained that we were taking so long to get the books but what really took forever was waiting for her starbucks -_- and when we told her that she started yelling about how common sense woulda told us to just leave without it. woooow. yea -_- then we got del taco and my mom was in a better mood and she started talking about how i could get and itouch and i would give her my ipod :D niice. but now its time to convince my dad D: that shall be difficult. bummer.

mmm. very intense talk yesterday. heart was beating like crazy. like i stopped everything and poured it all out >.< it took me a while for each response though. i wanted to be careful. and it kinda took a lot out of me. but it was good to let it out. elfy said he was proud of me. but still. it was overwhelming. *sigh* it was a good talk though. mhmm

ok time to start on hw >.<

Cause maybe, you're gonna be the one that saves me.

hmm. woke up earlyish even though i slept at like 3 last night. then i did absolutely nothing productive for a few hours. downloaded lots of songs :] yay. then finally continued to do my hw. then my parents came home at like 5 which freaked me out... cause that was soo early. and they walked through the door and kept talking about what a beautiful day it was xD i was like sure. i havent been outside but i guess so? and then they were like.. lets go fishing ^____^ so we went to newport beach. and it was cold. i coulda used a blanket. but all i had was my pullover jacket and that wasnt enough >.< i didnt fish though. my mom and mindy seemed like a handful for my uncle already and there werent enough poles and he just wanted to fish, so i was like ok ill let him be. wasnt in the mood to get down and dirty anyway. so i sat on the pier eating chips like a fattieee :) *seductive voice* i was surrounded by the ocean. know what that reminds me of? "shall i compare thee to [the ocean blue]?" mhmm. i felt like such a loner so i called up some people to keep me company. it was way too cold. and windy. and i had to pee so bad >.< since i had a venti passion tea from starbucks. and it was nice to have some people to complain to xD just keeding. and then i discovered a playground on the beach. it was very exciting lol there was a swingset and a jungle gym and slides xD it was overwhelming. but it was darkish so i just settled for sitting on the swings and talking on the phone until my dad called me cause he was scared i was gonna get kidnapped. hmmm. that was good.

p.s. just cause im going through some stuff and it seems like im a little vulnerable, it doesnt mean a thing.

and mind sprinkling some of that magic love hither? just feeling a little lonely in my corner but thats probably my fault for going there in the first place right? *sigh*

oh and i keep remembering how at anne's graduation party thing i went to scotts room and played with tracys phone. then daniel randomly came in and sat in the closet to talk to his girlfriend on the phone. he closed the slidy door and spoke quietly to her. i think it was his gf. but yea. it was cute cause he was speaking so soft and sincerely and i could tell he had all his attention on her even though phillip was being all nosy and trying to listen. then daniel pushed the slidy door into his face xD lovely.

Just get back up when it knocks you down.

woke up pretty late today. and when i finally got out of bed i ate fruit and did math homework. soo long. one down two more assignments to go /)_< stupid zinner. so we went to church at St. callistus (i think thats how you spell it?) the youth mass is always fun. well not fun, but i dont fall asleep in there like at st barbara >.< the choir is really good and they really get me back into the zone and calms me down :] best part was the ride home. somehow we got to talking about how mart looks like a horse and then peter and mart started neighing and galloping like horses in the car. SO EMBARRASSING. especially since peter was driving and mart was in the passenger seat and both their windows were down and we were at a red light >.< and the car next to us had their window down too. i could tell the lady was trying to ignore us though xD she had sunglasses on so we couldnt tell. haha. then peter told us about how one time while they were at a red light mart started banging on the windows like he was being kidnapped or soemthing and the guys in the car next to them started freaking out and pointing at peter and going OMG SOMETHINGS HAPPENING until mart started laughing and they were like... oh -_- LOL idiots. but i love them ;D poor kathy has to live with them. xD

Are we different?

it feels like m[a]jkk has drifted :'[ i miss it. im remembering our intense conversations and how it was so easy to just call any of them up when i was down. i know ive been out of it. but it feels like id be burdening them. i tried. like last time. but maria was stuck in the middle with my problems and i felt really bad. so i kinda stopped. they keep telling me that thats what friends are for and i know that thats the same thing id say to them too. now i just feel stupid >.<

If he knew how bad.

i want it to be worth it. but it almost seems like theres no use. like one of us doesnt care anymore. last night, i was too tired to let anything bother me. then i started thinking and i couldnt sleep anymore. so i stayed up all night and thought about it some more. i realized that it bothered me a lot. but the whole world was sleeping. so i kept it to myself... who was i going to talk to? it was 4 in the morning. emotions bottled up inside turns into a bad thing. im not gonna explode. some of it may slip through the cracks and leak out a little, but it wont explode. i would never explode. the sharp bits of glass might cut the people i really care about. but id never let that happen. so i bottled it back up and tried again. i wanted to talk. but he basically turned his back on me and couldnt/wouldnt look me in the eyes. so i stopped trying, and maybe i started to cry a little but thats ok. no one saw. i didnt ask him to be there. i suggested he leave cause i knew he didnt want to be there. i dont need his pity. its the last thing i need. wouldnt it have been easier to just watch him walk away? i had to sit there for the longest 10 minutes or so of my life, in silence, just wishing that i could understand and that we could fix everything. maybe i should just stop.

________________________

"If he knew how bad
I wanna make this work,
How my heart belongs to him,
He wouldn't be able to walk away.

If he knew how bad
I gotta have him close,
If I ever let him go,
I wouldn't make it a single day.

He would never have to ask again,
If he knew how bad."

I dont want to fall to pieces.

imsorry.

that i dont take risks.
that i keep to myself sometimes.
that i dont always talk about whats bothering me.
that im scared of losing you.
that im ambiguous.
that i make you overthink things.
that sometimes i push you away (but i always wish youd come back).
that sometimes i do things that make you nervous.
that im incapable of giving you that luxury.

i dont do it on purpose but sometimes you do some of these things to me too.

So just take my hand and say that you will never let it go.

mmm. i woke up sooo late today. 7:40 >.< that is RIDICULOUS. and i was just like ehh.. can i just NOT go to school since im gonna be late anyway and its gonna bother me D: but turns out i was right on time ;D i missed breakfast though. my routine was all out of whack. but i got back in it. so in chem kathynguyen asked me the most random question EVER. first she asked me for my agenda and wrote a note... when i read it i was like ahhh /)_(\ why would you ask that?! and then she started laughing at me -_- someone doesnt get the whole "shy" thing. imma have to have a talk with her tomorrow cause now shes gotta tell me some of her dirty little secrets >:]
ohh. im soothsayer for english. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW I GOT THAT PART /)_< i blame martin. and then mirsch made a comment about how i need to own the part so i should call up danny and we could practice... SO EMBARRASSING >.< but whatevers... so mindys last dance is on thursday, june 4. and tennis banquet is on thursday, june 4. HMMMMMM. i wonder what that could possibly mean for me xD actually, im waaay too scared to ask my parents >.< whos gonna take me? neil? idk hes got jessica :P but he can take 2 "dates" right?! unless korea asks jessica. but but but... i dont really want to go with neil >.< but tennis banquet would be fun ^^ so im stuck. but who says im going anyway? im scared >.<
so anyway afterschool i was suppose to go home at like 330 but then chris came over and we started messing around with his phone. its touch screen o.o SOO COOOL. and omg he freaking pretended to push me off the bench and i screamed soo loud >.< EMBARRASSING and then like mindy took a crazy embarrassing picture of me. i was making a face and messing around and she FREAKING TOOK THE PICTURE AND SHOWED IT TO MARIA and then maria ran away with the phone so i chased after her but im hella slow and couldnt catch up to her D: and i deleted the picture on his phone but he sent it to "THE INTERNET" whatever that means -___- FREAKING MINDY SOLD ME OUT. thats why i dont like taking pictures -_- mother effers. SCARRED ME FOR LIFE OK GUYS?! yeesh -_- and then my mom made us go home cause she said there was an earthquake... O_o uhh NO THERE WASNT. no one else felt it... my momma be crazy xD
and on a serious note.. sometimes it makes me nervous and it scares me. its quiet and i dont know what to say or do cause duh, its me. i want to take the risk but im scared to >.< so im just there and i cant help thinking, is that enough? i cant read minds but the look on a person's face can say a lot.

so i looked up the recent earthquakes and turns out there was a 4.1 earthquake at the same time my mom called me... i guess she was right? xD

Tonight's the night i let it go.

way to lose it. guess what just went poof? -_-

And you got a smile that could light up this whole town.

hmm. kathy said it was cute. then mindy looked at her and then she was like WAIT NO IT WASNT! >:O haha funny :P afterschool i went home and watched marley and me. its ok...? i guess? kikawa already ruined it for me -_- so i was just waiting for IT to happen. i thought it was going to be tragic or something... turns out i dont really care because i dont really like animals and it doesnt phase me? :P then i took a nap but then wise one callem me to get eggs... i was like heh? he wanted to borrow 2 eggs... only 2. O_o gonna cook something for magie or something? idk thats still a little weird for me o.o he can see whoever he wants but shes my age so thats kinda weird >.< so spanish project was EMBARRASSING. they all laughed when we danced /)_(\ of course... and i didnt get full credit. but whatevers :P
so i went to vivians house for dinner. yum. and we watched taylor swifts new music video for you belong with me... OMG SOOOOO FRIGGIN A CUUUUUUUUUUUTE ^^ and then we kept playing it over and over again haha sooo cute xD and then joycelyn told us to look up "full of expressions starking" omgoodness. the little boy was sooo cute. he was making these faces. like sad face, surprised face, and stuff. but my favorite was his "im in love" face and what i call his "how YOU doing?" *wink* face xD gahh so cuute. then this one guy from 2pm did the same faces. it was cuuute. and then they did my favorites together and damm IT WAS TOO CUTE xD i was like freaking out and me, mindy and viv kept watching it over and over again eeeeeep. haha and then we searched up something else and we got that 2pm guy singing "dont wanna try" OMG JESSICA WAS RIGHT! HIS ENGLISH IS FRIGGIN GOOOOOOOOOOD. if only she had sent me those videos, i could give her the credit for making me a 2pm fan :P but it goes to mindys friend now. lol im probably gonna get hit by a lot of birdies for saying that :P
mindy wants to bake cookies for joycelyn but we dont have the stuff. i was planning to get it for her today when my parents came home but that didnt work out. maybe we'll get the stuff tomorrow.and my mom is making us clean up... im probably not gonna until like.. late. then maybe we'll got to the festival fair thing at blessed sacrament at 630sih with vivian? idk. not sure if my parents will let. so tired. gotta wake up early and do hw D: hmm mindy and mom are watching the spirit. i dont get it at alllllll. its sooo weird. LOL oh and dude i watched the suju video. LOL kibum DOES look like a fag xD and like in the beginning of the video he walks away and i guess hes suppose to be sad but i think i saw him smile?! so i was confused... the song was catchy. i like. :] and theyre kinda growing on me. BUT there are still too many members >.< cuase i still only know some of their names. kangin is a fattieee (: *seductive voice* donghae also looks like a fattieee in his weird suspenders but overall they dont look THAT bad :P except for kibum. ew. LOL. so mindy and my mom are watching the spirit... its sooo weird xD mmm tired. night world.

Its like when it rains.

1.freshman in my first period is in the hospital and it sounds serious... it just makes me sad and it makes me think ok?
2.ppl's little hissy fits and going all drama-queen status on everyone... seriously, man up.
3.the inconsistency... cause i was on the brink today and it FREAKED. ME. OUT.
4.freshman doesnt listen!! omgoodness FAILFAILFAIL. -_- then he goes and makes it worse. and he has a higher grade in math than me?! wtf.

happy now? :P its funny how everyone kept asking me what was wrong today. kinda caught me off guard. is it so wrong to just think? i guess so... well for me it is. i overthink way too much. even neil knew something was wrong... dude i didnt even know O_o that was so weird. so i had a good talk with kevinwiththeeye. what a loser. next time hes soo walking with us >:O even if he is "kind of a boy" haha. yeaa im just kind of out of it. when we were walking home i was soo tired. D: i jsut wanted to sit down in the shade and listen to my ipod. sighsighsigh. now i just want to lay in bed with my music. so i really dont need this friggin spanish powerpoint right now -_- and if we dont get full credit on this, too bad, cause i dont flipping care.

Sometimes you gotta break down and breathe.

im sorry that people cant handle the truth and get all drama queen status on me. but ill still be there for them *cough cough* he knows who he is. ill make that trust reappear. no more poof. everyones being such a drama queen. theyre guys for goodness sake! man up... yeesh -_- justkeeding i know theres hurt but being rational is important. keeping it cool is important. NOT LOSING YOUR TEMPER is important :P forgive me please. ive told him once and ill tell him again "I GOT YOU BUDDY" ;D
im getting kinda ehh with the inconsistency. getting whiplash? yuuup. i asked because i worry. and everyone knows i worry a lot. about whoever and whatever, i dont just think about myself you know. im getting the feeling its like another promise in the dark.

what made my day today? jeffy... aww we had a talk. im glad he cares enough to ask how i felt about it xD <3<3<3 but it really didnt bother me at all LOL its the thought that counts though haha

When i hear, it takes over me.

mall. crawfish. then diggin through the trash <<< NASTY SHIZZLE
i <3333 vivian pham. be owing her big time.

Welcome to my life.

this is what i get for being on cloud nine too long. now i have to try to fix everything and until i do, im giving up aim and my phone for a while.

p.s. i need someone to ask danny not to walk home on monday. this time, im not giving in.

Do you know?

i had a baaaad dream last night >.< i didnt understand what was going on until after i woke up though. i'm guessing it was because before i went to sleep my parents lectured me about school projects outside of school and how im making it harder on everyone else... =/ i think they were the ones who were blowing it out of proportion and making it seem worse than it really is. i was really pissy over that last night but now something is just eating at me. i feel like a horrible sister cause im alwaysalwaysalways dragging mindy around everywhere. during my lecture she was like "what is this?! i feel like unwanted luggage -_-" im a horrible sister :'[ and im soo sorry for that. but she should know that id do whatever for her. she hasnt asked me to do anything big for her yet, just little things, but when it comes down to it. dude ill do it.

Mmm what you say?

today was hot. im pmsing. and the heat isnt doing anything to make it better D:< today was whatever. classes were long and stuff. then i walked home. that was fun. i started kicking a tic tac box around. anger issues?! no lol just bored. then i hear kathy calling me from her car. stalker status?! yes. very much. got home and ate pizza again -_- i should be sick of it by now. then mindy took the laptop away. so i watched no reservations. so cuute xD the little girl was kinda annoying though O_o and the guy was like really ugly... katherine zeta-jones' accent was a little difficult to tolerate and that one waitress was such a hoe... O_O other than that. it was cute ^_^ when i finished i turned on boxing for my grandpa but he didnt watch it cause he was in the shower. and then it ends. and he calls me to change it to another channel -____- its not my fault he didnt freaking watch it when he had the chance. he calls me like 5 times a day just to turn it on for him. are you serious? how much boxing can you watch? and then when i dont pick up he leaves angry messages... yeesh. asian ppl and their violence. and im sure hes seen the same fights like a million times -___- boxing is boring anyway o.o know what else? i really hate spanish >:O kevin keeps telling me we gotta do our spanish project. no duh. -_- what bugs me is he keeps blaming the procrastination on me. its not just me you know. we were chatrooming with kathy and jessica yesterday about the project and we got the video stuff down. he didnt help at all. too busy doing vocal stuff and thats MY fault? if he blames me for not getting full credit and then ignores me for like 2 weeks... know what? NO ME IMPORTA >:[ rawr. i doubt itll take much to edit a 2 minute video. but it takes a while to do a poster on the guy's bio and who's job is that? oh. mine. and no im not gonna sing in front of the class. and he cant make me. this saturday is gonna be hot. and i dont feel like doing the video -_- *sigh* what to do now? i think ill watch 17 again. because according to vivian "zac efron is so hot" uhh suuuure. i hope i dont get another virus... -_-

Happy birthday to you...

last night i crossed the street to my grandparents house to celebrate vinh and my grandpa's birthdays. when i got there i ate some pizza. the crust was really good. vinh completely ignored me... the little bugger. haha he was in his own little world with his toy cars. then my mom came with the "cars" themed cake. dude. the look on vinh's face when he saw it was PRICELESS. friggin adorable xD his eyes got all big. he started jumping up and down and kinda bit his hand cause he was so excited. then he came over to me, hid behind me then started pointing at the toy car on top of the cake. he was like is that for me? and we were all like noooo its for grandpa xD haha then my dad left to get the candles. and he went looking for my dad, still jumping around. when my dad got back he gave vinh the candles. xD it was cute cause he was really amazed by the box of candles LOL that cutie xD finally my mom started lighting the candles and vinh started singing happy birthday to himself and clapping his hands. then he blew the candles out too early haha. my mom had to relight them and we sang happy birthday for reals. cuuute. after we cut the cake and stuff. vinh got a lot of money. and he was just holding like $200 in his hands and then he told me he was gonna go buy a car with it. and i was like really? what color? and he was like red. :] you know like in cars? cause that boy loves that movie haha and then im like where are you gonna buy it? and hes like that store over there. and im like what store? and hes like that store! WALMART! LOLOLL what a cutie.

Its always better when we're together.

after church we got a car wash from some ppl at the gas station by sams club. there was this guy with the "free car wash" sign and he was dancing to get ppls attention. obviously he got ours. my mom found him pretty hilarious. and my parents were like he must be gay. and i was just shaking my head at that stereotype. and while we were getting our car washed my mom was like staring at the sign guy. then after the carwash we donated $15 to them and as we were driving out, we tipped the sign guy a dollar /)_< it was soooooooooooooo embarrassing D: i was hiding my face the whole time. and it turns out that dancing sign guy really was gay. xD omgooooooodness. then we went to the shop. it feels so weird being there. or at least weirder than usual. theres all this tension. -_____- why cant they all just get along? anyways it was pretty boring there. internet was soo laggy so me and mindy took webcam pictures. embarrassing. LOL. then got some frosen yogurt later. fuuun. what a boring day D: