Its like chasing the very last train.

so last night i was on the phone a lot... hope my parents dont look on the phone bill xD first i talked to maria. haha her dorkiness DOES make me feel better. all the time. LOVE her. talked about random stuff like how me and my cousins turned on spiderman3, muted it, and put on the captions so we could dub our voices into it xD FUUUN. but hella embarrassing if it wasnt just me and my cousins LOL and then yea talked about stuff. i know its just high school. but it just tears me up. sigh. then i went to eat ice cream. i got fudge brownie ice cream. and when i was struggling to open i realized it said FROZEN YOGURT all around the top and was like OH MY SNAPS. i got so excited. then i popped that sucker open. BIGGEST DISAPPOINTMENT OF MY LIFE. it was chocolate ice cream with brownie bits :'[ turns out it tasted NOTHING like frozen yogurt AND i LOATHE chocolate ice cream... nasty >.< tsk. the lies. then andrew called and i ditched the ice cream cause it was nasty anyway. we talked for a while about stuff *cough* LANVI *cough* yea THAT was fun. i have blackmail now LOL. i got you buddy... got you wrapped around my little finger >:] haha just keeding. unless you know you do something to make me feel a little devious? :P then i got kinda tired so i hung up on him. then i remembered i promised to call kathydao back. so i called her and she played a song for me. it was pretty ^_______^ then we woke ken up so we could 3way haha. he was sleeping and the whole time he was just like can i go back to sleep now? why did you call me?! and WHY DID I CALL YOU BACK?! xD its cause he loves us ;D then i ditched them at like 1:30? cause i was super tired haha AND my mom was awake... o.o i kept thinking i heard her open the door or something. SCARY~~
so i slept on it. i dont know how i did. but i did. i woke up this morning and realized that im following in communism's footsteps. all the signs are showing, and im just confused now. i dont know what to do. this is something i dont wnat to happen. i dont want to follow that path. but it looks like thats where its heading. sure theyre different. but why does it look like this has happened before? im not saying i feel any different about him. hes still on my mind 24/7. hes the first thing that comes to mind when i wake up and the sun is shining through my windows and hes the last thing i think of before i drift off into dreamland. but it all feels sooo unrequited right now and... it just hurts.

You can't play on broken strings.

i watched stardust. cute. it made me cry. not because it was cute. but because he was sooo sure of his feelings for her that it made me go awww ^.^ then the movie ended, and it said: and they lived happily ever after. i smiled. and went aww again. then i realized, its just a fairytale. none of it is real. in real life, no one is ever sure of what they want. people are sooo indecisive. easily swayed. easily confused. happy with what they have one moment, and the next moment? unsatisfied. its just not enough for me to be wanted whenever its convenient. im not a toy. i cant be replaced if i happen to break.

Tell me what they know about my love.

badabahbahbahhhh. so my plans are ruined. =/ i was suppose to go to the beach with wise one today but my mom was being all anal. shes like no hes probably gonna take his friends too. and im like uhh no mom. its a family thing. just us cousins<3. cause thats how it always is. but she wouldnt listen. whatever. i was too tired to argue anyway. she doesnt get our bond LOL. dude i love my couins<3 theyre alwaysalwaysalways there for me. and like we always have the best times. and its like we all belong in different groups at school but at home, with the family, we're just family. and i know that as much as we mess around, theyll always be there for me. :'] fudgers. im all emotional haha good thing no one us up right now. but omgoodness theres this car outside and its soo annoying. its been beeping every like 2 minutes -.- RAWR i just want to throw something at it ^.^ lovely. i like kathy's myspace song. teehee.
so last night i was oober bored. my mom made me get off the computer. rawr. i have a curfew for aim?! mother effer. 9 o'clock. miss me my loves :'[ so i went to bed and called a whole mess of people xD but the only person who picked up was andrew :'[ and someone *coughcough* has to tell me EVERYTHING about EVERYTHING cause a promise is a promise LOL i made andrew promise to tell me about everything if i guessed her name. suckahhh. i didnt cheat. i'm just psychic. i only knew her name cause he was thinking about her too much that her essence and her name just came to me. LOL right right. ;D his reaction to when i said her name was priceless LOL wish i coulda seen it. then i got bored cause he was being ridiculously stubborn and wouldnt keep his promise. rawr. so i hung up on him and got something to eat haha.
*sigh* i just remembered kevin is in new mexico talking to the dean :'[ hes going to college soon omgoodness. this makes me sooo sad. fudgers. only 2 1/4 years of high school left >.< and all those dorky seniors and juniors are gonna leave soon =/ gah that makes me sad. its ok. we'll just make the best of the little time we have left and just make it last :]
:O i was suppose to go to church at 8. why do my parents keep doing this? -_-" its really annoying. i wish i could drive. i should sign up for drivers ed classes. LOL imagine me... driving xD i probably cant even reach the peddles :P *swings feet back and forth* omgoodness so Friday night my mom kept coming out and was like go to sleep. and then she came out and looked at me seriously and was like kelly im serious. you have 3 more years. i was like O.O uh oh. what is she gonna lecture me about now? and then she continues... you need to drink milk. how else are you going to grow? you only have so many years left until you stop growing... LOL my face went from o.o to xD no duh. i knew that. its not like i can really help it. who says milk makes you grow anyway D: statistics? pshh whateverrrr. ive BEEN drinking milk since i realized i wasnt growing. it doesnt help =/ this is the longest most boring blog ever....
plans for today?
-go to church
-talk to that indian guy about my computer problems xD
-download antivirus
-update my ipod ^.^
-watch australia
-keep kevin "w/ the eye" company during his stay in new mexico
-not do hw :P
-and do something spontaneous? LOL great. its not spontaneous anymore now that ive planned to do it xD oh wells. we shall see. we shall see

i have a secret: im a little bit of a jealous person. just a little. /)_(\

Do you ever dream of candy coated raindrops?

break. 9 days. finally. so omgoodness i had the biggest scare today o.o i was with danny and kathy called to tell me mindy was on the phone with my dad. he told her he was at school and he asked where i was. and mindy told him i was in romanos. i was like wtf? hes checking up on me?! *hurt* i cant be trusted? D: ok i know that. i lie to my parents way too much >.< i know its bad. =/ most of the time its for their own good. there are some things they don need to know. like how i get a ride home. yea that worries them -_- they just worry way too much and they dont need the extra stress. but i guess i dont help. rawr. im a bad daughter >.< so i ran as fast as my little legs would go xD but im pretty slow. omgoodness i made a sharp turn an almost fell. LOLOL good thing no one was there to seee xD but wheni got to romano's it was locked iwas like @#!% and then i went to the senior parking lot. and i found mindy and kathy. i was like please let this be a late april fools joke >.< mindy seemed pissed xD lol okokok i promise ill stop. I GUESS she does enough for me. she a real bword about it though. and its not like she does A LOT. she only puts up with my friends and danny but hello????? she loves my friends :P uhhh idk about danny LOL but yea. so turns out it was a false alarm. my parents werent checking up on me. my mom was sick D: and my dad drove her home from work and thought hed pick us up on the way. PHEWWWWWW. i wonder if they passed by the front office though. because. uh oh. >.< omgoodness i hate the mystery. fudgers. i dont think they saw anything? so scary >.< idk ughh. and i totally ditched danny. :O shame on me =/ but my LIFE was on the line. and this is not me being a drama queen either. omgoodness. ive been called a drama queen a lot this week :O i guess that means im a drama queen -__-" oh and apparently im crazy too :P rawr. so kathy. goodness that little cougar LMAO im glad shes happy. like genuinely happy too. it made me wanna cry xD ive never been so happy that i cried. but i came kinda close today. shes been through so much bs from that dumbass. she deserves better. im glad shes finally letting go because he doesnt deserve her time. ok so i took a nap from like 6-10 but im still sleepy duh. i need to catch up on sleep. gonna go dream. night world.

Strong enough to stop this world from spinning.

so last night i pulled an all nighter with kathynguyen. i was sooo tired. and like i finished at 6:30 wtf. but like i bsed most of it. so i have to fix it all. >.< omgoodness. i fell asleep once. but it was a NAP ok? taking a nap and sleeping are sooo different. naps are like short and your about to fall into a deep sleep. sleeping is sleeping long enough for you to have a complete dream, the end. -____-" i cant believe the table agreed with kevin and not me D: but it was funny cause he tapped this random guy and was like "hey are napping and sleeping-" and the guy looked at him like he was crazy and walked away xD LOL and they say IM embarrassing?? pshh. ok i admit it. i am. but at least when i ask random people questions they dont look at me like im crazy. not to my face anyway :P and i took a nap in spanish. :O it was kinda by accident. after the benchmark i looked at the clock. it was like 12:00. i put my head on my desk and closed my eyes. then i heard kikawa whispering. and class was over. then i was kinda freaking out cause like i coulda been snoring. omgoodness that woulda been embarrassing xD thats right. i snore LOL lovely isnt it? and then afterschool. omgoodness mindy was being so annoying >.< rawr. i suppose i need to be more aggressive? whatever. and danny stayed back for like almost an HOUR. not. my. fault. :P but i feel sooo bad for his mom xD she must hate me >.< okokok i promise i wont make him stay long anymore. well i mean it wasnt my fault per se. but i have to admit i dont exactly want him to go :P cause i dont get to see him that often and hes been sleeping a lot so i havent been able to talk to him much. i was telling jessica how hard it was to figure this all out. she completely understood :'] cause like seriously its soo hard to tell whats going on. honestly i have no idea where we stand right now. so anyway i went home and when kathy was driving away. mindy realized kathy still had my phone -.- then i wanted to take a nap, but my phone is usually my alarm but since it was all mindys fault she was suppose to wake me up at 530. dude. she woke me up at 8 -___- now im doing hw. sorta. lol im tired. omg i shouldnt be procrastinating >.< what a boring day. 3 more days. >.< almost there. no worries. we got this. :]

Things'll get better if you just hold my hand.

so today was just whatevers. except for jeffie's bday! i was tired cause of the essay last night. and like yeaa. ive been thinking and i dont want to be like a communist. it was a long day. especially since maria is kinda bringing me down with her xD 4 more days. we'll get through this! haha. then afterschool. i finally got to see danny and kinda talk to him. first hug in like 9 days >.< i didnt even realize it. i knew i was missing something. but omg for some reason im all mixed up. either its the lack of sleep or im like pmsing -_____- making me all "ridiculous" then went and got some boba. then went home and tried to start on hw. but friggin jessica was distracting >:O yea i still dont approve ok? wise one. no. disgust. and now the rumor is spreading :O then i went to confirmation class. felt sooo sick. >.< my head hurt. i was like blahh. my cheekies were all pink -_- and like i kinda wanted to throw up. maria was very caring <3 and told me is should stay home tomorrow but i have to go to school. its benchmark week. and idk when the chem one is. i need that extra credit. i cant believe i have a B in chem -_- okokok essay time.


so i have a secret: sometimes i want to hold on just a little longer /)_(\

I dont want to go to bed mad at you.

last night me and kathy planned jeff's bday. ohmysnaps i jsut realized i forgot to make his fake cake >.< darn it. ill make it later. but itll be rushed and ugly D: cookie cake yup yup and BALLOONS :] fun. i hope hes surprised xD im soooo excited lol so then i woke up at 8 this morning. organized my notebooks and stuff until i heard my parents leave, then got out of bed and cleaned up everything, and i mean EVERYTHING. mindy was no help whatsoever -____- listened to music and went on aim so it wasnt THAT bad. then maria came over. and we watched changeling. xD haha she got distracted so we didnt finish. its all good though cause all i have to do is cut and paste. itll be UGLYYYYY but who cares? xD and then i ran downstairs after maria left cause scott came to take us to church. but the only seat left was the front seat. and the door wouldnt open, and we were running late. so scott rolled down the window and told me to climb in LOL. he was just kidding but i did it anyway LOLOLOL surprisingly it wasnt that hard xD the trouble woulda been climbing out in front of the people at church xD but good thing he got it to open lol. mass was interesting. sitting next to viet was fun haha. even though hes got muscles he couldnt open the little bag for the pin. pshh i opened it like NOTHING. strong my butt. and powerpuff girl? pleaseeeeee only in his dreams :P so after church went home and showered. then i get a call from kathy dao. omgoooodness. my cousin. thats hella nasty. my COUSIN. thats just weird. weird weird weird. >.< me and kathy were pretty freaked out. WEIRD. i know him and he would not go for her. thats just WEIRD. and i sensed that she never really liked me :P you know what? i dont care :p i do not approve ok? get away from my cousin. seriously. she needs to back off. two guys at once? theres word for that. umm it starts with an "S" ssssssssupermodel? :P not. and then the whole thing with the communist?! duh. its soooo obvious. like reeeee to the biz-wound. sooo weird. so me and kathy were all snooping around then i got bored. and i started looking at some stuff. and i found out something that just hit me. idk. it hurt. >.< and i got kinda upset. okokok really upset. and BITTER. >.< thats never good. i never realized i knew so many insightful people. *cough* long *cough* what?! weird... and derek? LOL sooo funny. so repetitive. and like such baaaaaaaad grammar. its sooo hard for me to understand anything hes saying xD but i got the message. cause seriously. he kept repeating it. but omg. i opened up to him and shzzle and he forgot my name? the eff. loser. i didnt forget his name. hes a friggin old mannnn going senial. and wtf? i kinda look like a fish? jerk. jerk. jerk. i look like an ANGELfish ;D wait thats pretty right? xD haha. but like even though he told me that what he was going to say might hurt me. like it did a little. then i realized something else. and dude i felt so much better. and i love that vivian is my cousin. shes not afraid to keep the blunt truth from me while everyone else was like lying to make me feel better >.< shame on them. but i still love em <3 and i was telling kathy how if my life had a soundtrack, then right now mad by neyo would be playing in the background. then all of a sudden mindy started singing it. i was like whoaaaaaaaa. really. i cant stay mad/upset for long. cause then i start to miss him again >.<