show me a sign, give me a reason to believe in your smile...

happy bday kevin with the eye. lol i called him at like 3am cause i was still awake. but he didnt pick up so i just went to sleep LOL loser. its his bday he shoulda been up all night :P so anyways, tomorrow is the start of a new week. thank goodness. last week was so... yea. im glad its over. but there were those good times like watching the guys play tennis. ahha me and kathy just get so pumped up xD and i stole kevins winning ball. now all i have to do is get it signed ;D."kevin i'm your biggest fan!" ^^ LOL cant wait to watch their next game. but it sucks that most of the jv games are away =/ how are we suppose to cheer them on?! at least varsity plays home next week. screw what kevin says. we do not make them nervous PSHHHHH. when we disregarded his comment and ran to watch his game he OWNED. :P we motivate. duhh. and me? im just plain INSPIRATIONAL. LOLOLL jk. but im like the unoffiical stats girl :P for the table guys anyways. not really. i jsut keep the score out loud cause i cant stand not knowing who is winning. ahh the games are so intense xD seriously, tennis was the highlight of my week. :'] but even that couldnt take me away from all the drama. -_- lets get back to the good times :] i feel bad for lying to jessica. but i told her the truth. now i just have to update her on everything. no worries. will do tomorrow during pe. PINKY PROMISE nm/ (<< doesnt taht look like a pinky promise? xD) so its late. i think im sleepy? idk i woke up really late today. i looked at the clock. it looked like it said 1. so i went back to sleep. or i tried to but then i was like its been 1 oclock for a while now. so i stared at the clock. and then the 1 turned into a 3. -_________- i was like oh my snaps are you serious?! these family gatherings got me all wiped out. sleeping at 3 tsk tsk. so wise one came over and gave me some songs xD im currently obsessed with this song its so sad >.< "show me a sign, give me a reason to believe in your smile" *tears* especially... "this is your chance our song is playing, you should want us to dance... remember when we danced till the sun came up. im not a game. you cant replace me if i happen to break. so dont make promises and not follow through. cause i dont do that to you." i think peter cried listening to this song? aww =/ okays i think this song is putting me to sleep. but its so pretty. i cant stop listenign to it xD. he also gave me titanic beats. i was like :O cause ive been looking for that song for like everrrrrr. ever since my georgia days lol. thats like 2 years ago. -____- okays now this song is putting me to sleep. its so hard to love a gangstah? pleasee. thank you instrumental. lol so im watching this youtube video and its making me think. i cant believe it but im still falling. and it takes that song to make me realize that?! wtf. hes not even a gangster -_____- or is he?!justkeeding its not the song but the quotes im reading thats making me think though. i know last week was just blech. and what happened was just >.< not good. i hope we dont have to deal with anything like this again but id rather go through bad times with him then good times with someone else. but this is so ridiculous. idk if i can say the same for him though? cause i get this bad feeling. >.< idk why. in my gut. or maybe its just my cousins' words pounding at me telling me to be more careful this time. cause somehow i completely let my guard down >.< i guess being a pessimist runs in the family -___-" know what? im getting tired. time to finish english and study :P peace.

theres something i gotta say to you...

this week is so blahhh. ive got too much hw (but im still blogging ;D) lets seeeeeee, carebear needs to tell me why he is so confused. too many promises were broken this week. i just dont get it >.< its upsetting =/ ive been kind of bummed all day too. way to start out my day with an F on a history test -__-" thanks crosby. im getting a progress report, hope phillip hides it for me so my parents dont get it. >.< mart saw me talking to carebear today. uh oh. and then he and peter came over afterschool and they kept asking me questions about who my boyfriend was and i honestly told them i didnt have one -___- duh. then they got more specific and stuff. it was awkward -__-" mart is such a gossip girl. LOL. so anyways, i had 4 days worth of math hw to do, and im almost done. just taking a little break right now. baaaaaad idea. >.< haha and then im hoping to talk to carebear soon to find out whats really going on. hes been putting it off. seriously if he breaks this promise >:O im telling maria. LOLOLOL. but seriously. uhhh maybe ill take a nap first. xD idkkk. im tired. hmm plans for tomorrow? school and then watch kevin's game. woot im his biggest fan. haha. i promised to be at his first home game and thats a promise i intend to keep. omg i need my rest. back to hw. peace out.

waterfalls...

so yea i knew something was wrong. was in denial for a while, then i just started crying. kevin with the eye was there to try to help me laugh it off. but its not working. i called maria. she was sleeping. dont want to be selfish. but i dont want to go through this alone but i guess i have to. hes confused... idk what happened to make him feel that way =/ but kathydao was right? nooooo. i hope shes wrong. damn it. he asked me if ive ever had my heart broken. i said no. but this just might do the trick.

ive got the keys inside this kingdom...

so this weekend wasnt so bad. friday was ehh. some things happened, some people cried, i was left feeling blahh. then on saturday i went to the retreat. got in the same group as jessica. WOOT go derek ;D haha hes like the coolest leader with a.d.d.everrrrrrr haha. his stupid jokes, and stories about how he left elizabeth dancing alone to eat fish xD so messed up. and his random singing. i felt special cause i was the only one who knew most of the songs he sang. and friggin duy, not our duy, but the junior leader duy, hes kind of cranky. LOL i guess someone had to be since derek was so immature xD haha understanding what???? understanding JESUS! peace. love. understanding <3. soooo lame xD but whatevers. it wasnt that bad. lots of lectures. and then mass. what really bugs me is people who think theyre too cool to participate. uhh hello? then what are they doing there? i mean really. we're there to get closer to God and find ourselves. how is anyone going to do that if they dont let loose a little??? yeesh. and ppl couldnt at least lip sync to the songs?! yeesh -____- but other than that it was TIIIIIGHT xD lol. then afterwards went to doreenas house, ate, and took group pictures with the cousins on doreenas laptop. xD so fuuuuuuun. i want those pictures! and that video LOL. went to sleep at 3. :O shame on my parents. woke up at 8 and went to day two of retreat. today was funner. derek made me a flower out of a dollar. ITS SOOO PRETTY!!! i wnat to learn how to make that xD. and then we did our skit and stuff. me and jessica got in our first physical fight. >.< she pushed me really hard LOL i was so surprised. but it was all a part of the skit... OR WAS IT?! haha. today was fun. i cried. got very emotional TT__TT and derek was all making fun of me telling me how its a good thing i dont wear makeup cuase itd be all running down my face, then he started singing cry me a river -________- what a jerk. but im gonna miss him!!! omg. he better come to our confirmation! but the retreat was really good. opened my eyes and made me remember what Jesus did for me. now im all listening to the christian rap that i sent andrew and hes all wow youre eyes have really been . i was like nahh. but i guess so. i just gotta keep it that way. and remember not to let the materialism and drama in my life take over. i got this. ;D

cause we're so fly high-igh-igh-igh-igh-igh...

ewwieeee -___________-"

so today was pretty bad. >.< but i should have seen it coming...
-sign #1: when i got to school today, i was running late as usual, and i went to my locker and there was a FRIGGIN SPIDER on my locker D: it was HUGE and i thought it was squished on there and i was lik -___________-" gross. then i turned the dial and it started jumping at my hand. and i freaked out. so i ran to class with the wrong book D:
-sign #2: jessica took kathy's news... not well. almost started crying cause she thought we were kidding. >.<
-sign #3: so i left a bag of cookies for kathynguyen on her desk cause its her bday and turns out SHE DIDNT GET THEM -_______- i was like WTF?! somebody stole them nasty goodies and ate them RAAWR! i even went on a search to find it but no luck. thank goodness jessica found them and gave them to her xD but who knows what anyone could have done to them O.O OMG if she gets sick its not my fault D: aww shieeet -__-"
-sign #4: i just found out i have a chem test tomorrow. TOMORROW -________-"
-sign #5: then theres the english quiz on wednesday... eww
-sign #6: and then no hug form carebear
-sign #7: there's this rumor going around. and i dont like it cause its about me. *cough* kathydao *cough* not like it makes a difference if i know. but im kind of being pushed to the limit. nothing is going to make me change my mind. and she can try to tell me how much she disapproves and she can try to influence me but, its not going to work. i love her but shes being just a bit of a hypocrite =/
-sign #8: mom nagged all day... its suppose to be her day off. why doesnt she go rest or something instead of taking out her pms on me?! yeeesh -_____-"
-sign #9: maria took the news worse than jessica >.< not goood.
-sign #10: jimmy made us write in confirmation class -________-" so annoying
-sign #11: oh yea and i forgot i got hit with a stupid basketball in p.e. it hit me and rebounded and hit jessicas face xD she thinks she has a concussion now and i have a huge headache -__________- but man... that was EMBARRASSING xD

and all this led up to my mom using me as a guinea pig, trying to make me all glamorous WTF -__________-" I SHOULD HAVE SEEN THIS COMING!!! (HA- right...)lets see if anyone notices the difference LOL i doubt it :P

this week needs to end already...

so its the first day back from our 4day weekend and already, i cant wait for this week to end D: *sigh* another late night. im waiting for my parents to fall asleep. wth are they still doing up?! i know they are way more tired than i am. so im blogging cause... i just dont want to deal with history right now. stupid. i know -_____- i shoudl just get it over with. whatevers i cant think right now anyways since i just woke up from my nap. omg bad habit. >.< so today was boring. kathy and jessica updated me on what i missed out over the weekend because of my stupid internet :P so omg xman. damm him i knew he was going to do that again. after that i love you shit he was giving her last week(was it last week? idk) but yea i saw it coming. its like a never-ending cycle. i mean honestly hes being so stupid and selfish. why cant he just let her go. stupid obsessive ex-boyfriend. -____- and as for jessica omg i wonder who the secret admirer is ;D IM REALLY CURIOUS and excited for her xD but it could be ANYBODY D: time to break out those ninja skills again i guess xD and atm is okay-ish again? but not perfect. if anything i will definitely try to prevent another beefy weekend -___- i just dont know how much more of those things we can all take. *fingers crossed* hopefully theres no drama this weekend. so carebear is still sick =/ sounded a lot worse today and he came back for 6th period. at least i got to see him and give him maria's note. lol "give this to him and give him an ambiguous smile" LOL sure. i felt bad cause when i gave the note to him he looked like really happy probably thinking it was from me. and when he read it afterschool he was like what?! when he finally figured out it was from maria LOL that maria, she's a devious one xD so then at like 4:30ish maria's dad took me, mindy and kevin home. we were all squished in the backseat and i was hella scared >.< cause marias dad looked LIVID. but apparently thats just his face? lol next time we'll just walk home xD and me and mindy will make kevin walk us all the way home so he'll have to walk more. xD LOL
nights ;D

oh how i love internet <3

so ive been without internet for almost a week and i was slowly dying... but ive got it back ;D so omg last week was interesting. carebear planned out a really sweet valentines day thing but he got sick and couldnt finish it =/ its the thought that counts but seeing him so sick made me soooo sad >.< im glad hes better but omg hes still sick! rawr. thats what he gets for playing football in the rain :P lol and so his plan was ruined and so was mine omgahhh stupid rain. last week i planned a picnic thing for friday with lunchables(yea thats right LUNCHABLES... jealous?!) and a poster that said:"___ will you be my valentine?" even though i was super nervous i really wanted to do it. but noooo stupid weather -______-. but at least i got to go to the movies with him on saturday. fun. except the uninvited was a stupid movie. LOL but damn. it still scared me and gave me nightmares >:O even though i covered my eyes for all the scary parts. LOL. and when it was time to go home i couldnt find my cousins car cause i forgot she was driving her mom's. i saw this one car with phones coming out of the windows but i didnt pay attention to it. then they honked and called my name. and when i got in we started driving away and all four of them were asking each other "did you get a picture of him?!" im like HUH?! and i see all of them with their phones out. omg. embarrassing >.< but thank goodness none of them got a clear picture of him LOL losers :P then i spent the rest of my weekend cleaning up. so much fun -__-. but my room is so clean ;D but theres really no point since its gonna get messy again by tomorrow xD

so lets stray from me cause im not selfish or conceited and i dont like to only talk about myself xD. while i was having a pretty good weekend, maria and andrew were not =/. rawr. its really a stupid thing to fight over. but i think they can get through this. whats a few bumps in the road? i know they can get through this. hopefully they can end this "disagreement" tuesday and everythings all good again.
jessica is over korea?! im very surprised. it was so... out of the blue. but i suppose thats healthy? but i vaguely remember her saying theres someone knew. but btu but... dj kay is waaaaaay too old for her! and shes never seen him. what if hes NOT 21?! what if hes really 40 years old living with his mom BUt he sounds like a hot 21year old hmmm?????? im sensing DANGER!! >.< but its probably not dj kay right? idk...
kathy dao. eff xman. i havent talked to her much this weekend since no internet but why is her away so similar to xman's?! both of them are missing everything/all of soemthing O_o im confused. im hoping its just a coincidence.

omg so did i forget to mention that i read In Your Room this weekend? its actually pretty cute. and like the story of my life. sort of. kind of. but not really xD just the situation im in i guess? idk but happy ending (sort of?) yay. but kinda unrealistic lol i hope i get that happy ending too >.< but what i really love about that book was the quotes in it

"Gravitation cannot be held responsible for people falling in love. How on earth can you explain in terms of chemistry and physics so important a biological phenomenon as first love? Put your hand on a stove for a minute and it seems like an hour. Sit with that special girl for an hour and it seems like a minute. That's relativity."
- Albert Einstein

how cool is that?! LOL and...

"In all the world, there is no heart for me like yours.
In all the world, there is no love for you like mine."
-Maya Angelou

:'] i love these two quotes. so cute >.<
*sigh* nights <3